I've seen it before. So have I. I could watch it every week. It's a beautiful film.
And he's so manly. I loved his eyebrows.
I've not much time for men, on account of them being useless articles.
But that scene where she leaves him 'cos she's dying painfully, but so bonny with it,
he looked SO sad in his riding gear. There's something about men in riding gear...
I must say it does something to me to see a man nicely dressed in riding gear.
I used to hate strangling people. You could get so wet.
There's always a snag.
Of course, the average soldier was pampered compared to those of us who operated behind enemy lines.
My God, yes. You were on your own all right behind Japanese lines.
You know, the truth is certain insects taste quite delicious.
Boiled or fried?
That's your haute cuisine, that. No, you daren't light a fire behind enemy lines.
No, we had to pop the things in raw.
Juicy, plump, wriggly grubs...
They used to slide down a treat when they had to.
Protein. Makes all the difference. Remind me never to have a salad at your place!
You'd be glad of it if the chips were down. Chips? You had chips behind enemy lines?!
No, we had to live on our wits. That's what we had to do.
Of course, we had a few native guides. They knew the area, but they relied on ME for decisions.
"He who thinks long", they used to call me.
Many's the hour I've sat polishing my bayonet, gouging the blood out of that little channel it runs down.
You great dillop! Coming in here, putting people off their breakfasts!
They were authentic memoirs, madam.
As for your customers, if I hadn't stood between them and the Japanese, they'd be eating rice. Not here!
Any invading Japanese would have to eat chips and like it!
I...I think I left a newspaper.
On the other hand, I could have finished with it.
It is one of the best things you can do with a paper these days.
Genuine military memoirs. Ought to be recorded for posterity.
Marvellous! You try to run a decent, little business and you end up with the bayonet and strangulation trade!
# Here's a man likes to dress in his riding gear
# Not his underwear, but his riding gear
# Would you come for a ride on me motorbike?
# I shall surely drive you round the twist! #
He's gone, you know. He's finally gone. You could see it coming. You could see him coming like that!
Oh, No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-orah!
What are you doing, man? You great, long Jessie!
It's Biggles! It is! It's Biggles!
Tha' wants locking up! Creeping about, startling people!
YOU'D startle anyone like that! What are you dressed like that for?
Nothing special. I don't know what all the fuss is about. I just slipped into something comfortable.
Like a Fokker tri-plane (?) Comfortable?
But it's a warm day. What have you got all that lot on for?
It's my old motorcycling gear. I thought I'd put it on for an airing.
Nonsense! Tha's always complaining about holes in my trousers.
When I try to look decent, tha's still complaining!
Do you believe this? Definitely! But you know what an idiot I am.
I like wearing motorcycle gear. I've always liked wearing motorcycle gear. Ask anybody!
Where does he think he's going? He's got something on his brain.
Hang on, hang on. Don't go swanning past. Let's take a look round.
When was he interested in church? Summat else that came on sudden.
You little devil! It's a big day for new experiences. It is, Norm.
He never goes into church. Not voluntarily, anyway.
I just said let's take a look round. I suppose it's a start.
It is, Norm. If you get points for going to church, tha' ought to get a few for hanging about outside.
It wouldn't be the day that Nora Batty changes the church flowers?
Is it? Well, fancy that! You knew it all the time, didn't you?
Sheer coincidence. I don't know she's in there. Well, take a peep.
Not me. I'm a beginner. You try.
Well, I would ordinarily, but if Nora Batty's in there...
We'll just take a peep through the windows. There's no point upsetting the woman.
It's terrible dark under here!
I think this is probably the most frightening place I've ever been!
Try to get me higher, will ya? Get a move on, man!
I can't see! Tha'll have to get me higher.
I'll jump. No! Not on my shoulders!
All right. You two jump then.
Oh, very well.
On my word of command. One...two...three!
Ahhhh! Owwwww! Ohhhh!
Get off! Get off!
What's wrong with riding gear? I LIKE riding gear!
Now, we'll see if riding gear is ridiculous or not!
Get the hormones jangling, kid. And if tha' needs me, just whistle!
Whistle?! It'd be a good whistle that could get through that lot! What's he dressed up like that for?
We think it's insanity. Style, kid! What do THEY know?
I'm the only one round here with a sense of style.
Style?! You look ridiculous!
Take 'em off! Folk will think you're stupid.
Stupid? I thought tha' liked riding gear.
What kind of riding gear is THAT ?
For motorbikes! I thought tha' liked blokes in riding gear!
I like gentlemen in horse-riding gear.
I think there's nothing smarter than a man dressed for riding HORSES, not motorbikes!
Oh, stuff that!
But where are we going? I don't care. It doesn't matter.
Then how come I've got to go? That DOES matter.
I'm not leaving you unattended. It's time I put a stop to the rumours.
I want the whole area to know that we're still entangled in holy matrimony.
I've always felt entangled! We'll go out together more.
I want people to see you with ME, not some other woman!
Other woman? That's a funny thing to say to a happily married person!
She said riding gear. She didn't say owt about horse riding gear!
It's pathetic! What makes you think she'd fall all over you if you were wearing horse riding gear?
I'd be in with a chance, wouldn't I?
But where are we going? Why do I have to get dressed up?
ME. That's why you have to get dressed.
You are taking me out. That is why you have to get dressed up.
Anyway, what's all this "dressed up" business? All you've done is put on a suit!
I call that "dressed up". For you, it is. Some people wear a suit every day.
You hear some terrible things!
YOU are going out in that suit!
You're going to be affected genetically unless you change.
Your body will merge with your overalls!
And I can't bear to think of my first grandchild.
I am terrified it will look like a Black & Decker!
BELL TINKLES Stay where you are! Keep your hands in your pockets!
Sometimes you think Foggy isn't the warrior type.
Then off he goes, fearless and single-handed, into Auntie Wainwright's!
He's been gone a long time. No, he hasn't. It seems like it.
That's because you're impetuous and impatient. I am, Norm. Impetuous and impatient!
It's probably your mid-life crisis. Give over! I'm hardly out of short trousers yet!
I'll drink to that.
Take your time. There's no hurry. You're under no obligation to buy.
It's just the price. I know. You're wondering how it's so low.
I thought it was dear. For a military collector's item? Yes.
I would love to have them to go with my samurai button stick and my German officer's pillow.
Don't wear it out! That's 8 weeks you've been coming to finger it.
If only I could be sure that they were actually worn by a wounded V.C.
Well, of course, I'm just a simple old woman, but it looks plain enough to me.
I fancied going for a bicycle ride. You meet all sorts of interesting people on bicycle rides.
I shouldn't be here. I should be grappling with technical problems.
Me, too!
Are they coming yet? They're still chatting.
There's a novelty (!)
Is your father still outside?
Yes. Has he got someone with him? They're both there.
What are they doing? Just standing there.
Your father's sulking. He's pining for his overalls.
Mine used to hate dressing up. And mine.
You're lucky. It's when they WANT to dress up, you've got to worry.
Oh, aye. They'll dress up for other women.
Mine wouldn't dress for other women. A traction engine rally possibly.
I've seen him put a suit on voluntary to go to a rally.
I wish mine was interested in steam engine rallies!
He must be interested in something. Oh, he is!
What does your husband do for a hobby, Pearl?
Don't you worry about him. You worry about Barry. I don't have to.
Oh, it must be lovely to be young and innocent.
She'll learn!
After you... No, you have it.
It's taken thee some time. It's been worth it. What is it?
It's a little piece of history. Elizabeth Taylor's first husband (?)
It's something I've wanted for a long time. It's a garment worn by a calvary man in World War I.
Now, I'm going to lend these to you, on condition that you return them in the same state you found them.
Riding breechs? Yes. Hey, they've got a hole in 'em.
THAT is where he was wounded. Anyway, you're a fine one to complain about holes in trousers!
Anyway, it won't show once you're dressed.
One quick impression for Nora Batty and you can return this heroic garment to me forthwith.
I suppose we could just walk away. Well, yes, I suppose we could.
We could. We could just walk away.
They'd kill us! Yes, they'd kill us.
We're free human beings... Don't be stupid! We're married!
Married? If you think being married is bad, you should try being a lodger with Nora Batty!
What's up now, Smiler? She's got me a job. Advertising a new product at the supermarket.
I'm Muscle Man, the oven cleaner!
Ohhhhh.
Imagine! Last thing you expect at my time of life. To become an oven cleaner!
He doesn't appreciate what a favour it is. I can understand that.
I wouldn't do it for just anyone. Incredible things have happened in those breeches.
Errol Flynn used to have a pair like that.
Oh, come along! God, I don't know...
Hey, there's not only a hole, but there's a big stain.
That is BLOOD, man. That is where the wearer of those trousers spilled his blood for his country.
Well, that's a relief!
Are you sure you're brave enough for trousers like that? There's a hell of draught, Norm.
You spent your life with trousers with a draught. Aye, but I know where they are!
These sort of creep up on me, like...
It's not what you THINK you look like. It's the impression you make.
You are wearing authentic military jodphurs. You look terrific!
SHE'LL think you look terrific!
NOISY HUBBUB
Mr Simmonite's going riding!
I didn't know he could ride!
It's tha' own fault,
for not exploring the potential of what were available next door.
I knew you bet on horses. I didn't know you could ride 'em.
It's not summat I boast about. It's summat I just does!
- How long has he been riding? - Years, by looking at his trousers.
What's that terrible stain? Tha' can't ride for years without getting stains...of some sort.
ALL CLUCKING
It's going great, Norm. Look at Nora.
Be careful of this riding business. Don't overdo it. Don't overdo it. I'm on to a winner here!
Fancy! All these years I never knew he could ride.
I can't wait to see him on a horse.
HORSE WHINNIES
Come on, get me out of this. You're the one with the big mouth. You told them how good you were.
Now the ladies are coming to watch you ride. I got carried away!
You will before the day is out. Don't make him nervous.
Too late. I'm already nervous. Come on, have a little practice. Get in the saddle.
What saddle? Don't bother me with details.
WHINNY
It looks bad-tempered to me. Get on with it!
Give us a hand. One...two...three!
God... You GREAT pillock!
All right then... All right, we won't use the horse at all.
We'll just use the horse-box...
I can't walk in these!
I think I'd sooner be Muscle Man in the supermarket.
It was easier hiding the horse.
Right, take him into the horse-box.
Oh, you get some jobs. It's all go round here (!) Right, get it up.
Right, on my signal, I want you to start kicking the sides. You know, bash it about a bit.
You've got to sound like a fierce, angry horse. Wait!
Can he whinny? I was just going to enquire into that.
Can you whinny? Can I WHAT ?
Make a noise like a horse?
Ohh, I don't know... Well, TRY.
Ne-e-e-e-e-eigh! Nei-i-i-i-i-i-gh!
Ne-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-igh! PANTING
Neigh-gh-gh-gh!
Keep an eye out for him. He's up here somewhere.
Who dare open their eyes? I haven't opened mine since we left!
GEARS CRUNCH Wesley's sneaked in another gear.
Try and keep on the road. It's so bumpy on the verge. It keeps going on the verge!
I told him I wanted something that didn't wander into hedges.
Just like somebody else I know (!)
Here they are! Right, Smiler, get cracking!
Right, you stand there.
There he is!
LOUD KICKING FROM BOX Ooh, he looks quite nice in his riding outfit.
LET me go! It's a dangerous animal! It'll tear you to pieces.
Or worse still, it'll whinny at you! (Be quiet!)
WILD KICKING I'll tame it.
I'LL tame it! Ne-e-e-e-e-eigh!
He can't go in there! It'll kill him!
I'll show it who's boss!
He'll be killed! We told him.
I daren't look! Tell me when it's all over.
Come back! Don't be a fool! It's not just a ferret this time!
MORE WHINNYING Not to worry, lass. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
LOUDER KICKING
Down! Down! Down!
FRANTIC WHINNYING Get down! Get off my foot, you big git! Get off!
SILENCE
He has! He's killed him! Why would he kill a horse? He likes horses.
She didn't mean HE killed the horse.
She means the horse killed HIM.
It's quiet. Shouldn't somebody go and see? Not me. I can't stand blood.
I'LL go. I was raised on blood.
NORAH: He's alive!
I told you, lass, there's now't to it. I won't ride him today. I don't want to terrify him.
Oooh, that's the BRAVEST thing!
THAT'S the bravest thing I've ever seen!
I never thought I'd see you so brave! I can't hang about here. I've got things to do.
'Afternoon, ladies! Well, well!
Well, well, well... Muscle Man, the oven cleaner!
Ne-e-e-e-eigh... Ohhhh!
Well, the crafty little swine! He got a kiss under false pretences!
CLIP-CLOPPING Ne-e-e-eigh!
Subtitles by Eithne Thomson BBC 1992